Near Death Experiences # 13, 14, 15 & 16

Hmmmmmm. As you can tell it's becoming harder for me to send updates! I'm currently in Blantyre, Malawi, and the internet throughout Malawi has been very limited and very expensive when I do manage to find it.

Anyhow, I finally left Zanzibar, which I thoroughly enjoyed (well, didn't thoroughly see the whole island, but thoroughly enjoyed the parts I did see). I decided against going back up to Arusha and into the Serengeti, partly because I can't bring myself to spend so much money to look at animals, and partly because I'm getting slightly short on time left in Africa, and want to have enough time for Mozambique and Madagascar (if I make it there). So I came back to Dar es Salaam, and then next day got on a bus to Mbeya in western Tanzania, where I would spend the night before heading on to Malawi the following day. But, on the bus I met Johannes, an incredibly nice Tanzanian man, who manages a bank in Sumbawanga. He told me that the hotels in Mbeya would be full by the time we reached there, as it's a popular stop en route to Zambia and Malawi, but that I was welcome to share his very nice room with him already paid for by the bank. So that I did. An interesting side note, we drove through the middle of Mikumi Nat'l Park on the way, and didn't see anything other than baboons, yet I've met many people that have seen all kinds of animals on this road. I think I'm cursed when it comes to wild animals. Maybe I'm just not supposed to see them! The next morning we were up early for our journeys, and I met Johannes' manager Welsh on our way out, who invited me to Sumbawanga with them for a few days. Why not? So thus began a random yet fun sidetrip to western Tanzania.

We were also joined by Baja, who was accompanying Welsh so that he wouldn't have to drive back alone. Baja is my age, and a great guy, so that made it all the nicer. Welsh is a crazy South African, Johannes a shy Tanzanian, and Baja a well-traveled young Tanzanian (incredibly uncommon), so it was an interesting mixture. Baja and I explored the town while they worked, and then we all went to Lake Tanganyika, which is stunningly beautiful, huge, little-visited (compared to other sites in Tanzania), and very deep... around 4500 feet. This is the same lake that I had really wanted to see earlier on in my trip. I had thought for a moment of going from Rwanda into Burundi, and there I could catch a ferry down the lake and enter Tanzania that way. But instead I opted for the terrible journey via Mwanza & Nairobi, as you recall.

Anyway, we bought a fish straight out of a fishing boat for dinner, as the man pulled in with his days catch, and gutted the fish into the water right there in front of us. We then drove down the lake to Kalamba Falls, which was truly extraordinairy. It's really difficult to get to from the Tanzanian side (the river that is falling into the lake creates the Zambia/Tanzania border at that point). We first had to drive into the nearby village and find the village chief, who would give us permission to visit it. In his guestbook I noticed that it had been over a week since anyone else had been to it. We then had to find and pay a local man who would go with us to show us the way. Which again, couldn't even really qualify as a road. In fact at one point, the villagers decided to build a brick oven right in the middle of the 'road'. There was plenty of room to either side of the 'road', but apparently is so scarcely traveled, that to them it made perfect sense to put it there, since it was already cleared of brush anyway. We finally reached the waterfall, and it was nothing less than spectacular. We were at the top (I think you would have to reach the bottom by boat, it looked like the only way), and as we approached the edge and looked over I got pretty dizzy, not expecting to see such a far drop. I wasn't expecting much of anything actually, but it's a 250 meter drop, the 2nd highest waterfall in Africa. And no railing or anything holding you back, or sign warning of danger. You could easily think you're the first person to be standing there in the last year. Anyway, it was lovely, and nice to glimpse across at Zambia, which isn't on my list of places for this trip.

We were followed out by about 20 village children, who love to climb onto the back of the car, grasping anything they can get there hands on to keep from falling off as we sped down a really bumpy dirt and rock road. Luckily they weren't hurt. Back at the hotel we had the cook fry up our fish, and it was excellent. I'd describe it to you, but well, that would be really boring.

We made it back to Mbeya where Baja and Welsh live, and Welsh invited me to come stay with him and his family in their guestroom, which was really nice. His wife and daughter are great, and I had a huge room, my own bathroom, hot showers, and wonderful home-cooked food... a welcomed and very unexpected treat mid-way on my African journey. They gave me a load of information on South Africa, and taught me to play Bau, an East African board game which is played everywhere, and I've been playing furiously ever since. I would love to bring a board home to have, but too big and expensive to ship home, and I sure ain't carrying it around. Any wood workers out there? Maybe I'll design my own and you can make it for me when I get back.
After a couple of days with the Prinsloos I had Welsh drop me off to say goodbye to Baja (he manages a hotel), but somehow I got stuck there, and spent another 3 days in Mbeya... a random truckstop town that somehow consumed a week. I finally saw an opportunity when Tanzania had it's back turned to run towards the Malawian border, so hopped into my usual overstuffed and smelly minibus towards freedom. Actually 3 minibuses by the time I reached Karonga in Malawi, but who's counting? At the border post I made the grave mistake of asking where the toilet was before properly greeting the person, and got a several minute lecture on poor manners while trying not to piss in my pants. It's a huge no-no in eastern Africa to ask for what you need before going through several hellos and how are you's, no matter where you are... gas station, store, toilet, so us Americans come across as complete assholes.

I spent one night in Karonga to make use of the banks, and then headed south towards Chitimba. When leaving I first tried a minibus at the bus station, but he wouldn't accept anything less than twice the real price, so I hesitantly walked away, knowing that letting the full minibus go would mean waiting at least 2 hours for the next one to fill up and leave. Instead I decided to try hitchhiking. It was the heat of the day, and I was wearing a heavy backpack, so it didn't feel like the best decision, and I waved as the minibus passed me again on the road out of town. But somehow it was my lucky day, and the 2nd car that passed picked me up, and I had the backseat of an air-conditioned 4x4 to myself, and the most comfortable ride yet. Perhaps it was beginners luck, but it inspired me to do the rest of my trip that way (we'll see, calm down mother).

I met the first of several on-going friends in Chitimba. It's pretty hard not to be on the same path here, since Malawi is very narrow and long, and there are only 2 main roads from north to south. An Australian couple named Mike and Jodi, and 2 Austrian girls named Barbara and Christianne. We met at Mdokera's campsite, which is a nice place with it's own beach, and a crazy and friendly owner named, uh, Mdokera. It's owned and run by locals, which is always nice, but not always as easy. I had chicken and rice for lunch, and then was served cold chicken and rice for dinner (obviously just sitting in the pots since lunch time). The following day I walked into town with Mike and Jodi to eat lunch, and then came back and had my favorite chicken and rice for dinner.

The sunrises there were incredible over the lake, and if you're up early to see it you also see the fishermen who returned around 4am or so, and are then sleeping on the sand using their fishing nets as blankets. I spent one morning taking pictures of the kids on the beach, who as always love the digital camera and seeing themselves in the pictures, and then start doing all kinds of cartwheels and karate poses. When I returned to my hut I found that my bag had been rummaged through, and my swiss army knife and flashlight (my treasured Petzl headlight!!!!!) were missing. Mdokera launched a full-scale investigation, using his trusty sons and tour guides, and within a couple hours had found out whodunnit. A small boy, who was seen trying to sell them in town earlier that afternoon. So the next morning I had to sit down and have a pow-wow with him, and his father, and about 15 other onlookers, and scare the living shit out of him. Sadly he was also one of the boys I had been taking pictures of on the beach that day, and my favorite one no less. Little fucker. I got my things back though, and that made me incredibly happy. Probably the 2 things that I use the most, and would least like to lose.

After court was over, the five of us grabbed our bags and headed to Nkhata Bay, sort of. Sadly we picked Sunday to travel, which has far less traffic, and thus involves far more waiting, and far more people crammed onto the transport that does make it by. We were in the back of a pickup for part of the way, and then a severely overcrowded bus for the other leg to Mzuzu. For this part, Christianne was sitting on top of a fat Malawian man's lap, who was also wearing a large cowboy hat with USA printed on it in large red-white-and-blue letters, and I was sitting in Christianne's lap, a triple-decker, if you will, and had my feet hanging out of the door, since there was no more footspace, and there were too many people inside to close the door. Christianne was holding me around the waste so that I wouldn't fly out of the door as we sped around the bends. You'll see the picture at some point, I'll bet you can't wait!

Another pickup truck to Nkhata Bay, and at last we could put our things down and relax! We were being relentlessly followed by guys who wanted to show us to our hotel and gather their commission on our rooms, so we decided to stop at the dive center first and arrange some dives, and then luckily they had a boat and took us across the bay to Mayoka Village, and we got to wave at the hustlers as we sped away from shore, the look of anger and frustration on their faces. We all loved Mayoka Village, very nice people, and very easy place to spend a couple of days, which turned into 8 days in the end. They were fully booked the first night, but the owners, Kathryn and Gary, offered for us to stay with them in their house until something became available! I then had a mud hut for $3 a night after that, and had the cheapest 8 days of the trip so far... about $12/day. And that was eating as much as I liked, playing lot's of pool, and a trip back into Mzuzu to use the internet at $6/hour.

The first night at dinner I also ran into Lettie again (the first British girl, remember? Met her in Nairobi and then she bullied our way into Uganda?). She had already been there a week, and stayed for my week too, and then we left together for Lilongwe, Malawi's capital, along with Mike (Jodi had to go back to work in Tanzania). I was complaining again about the lack of wild animals that I've seen in Africa (some baboons just about sums it up) and so Lettie suggested that I do a safari to South Luangwa Nat'l Park in Zambia. The place we were staying at in Lilongwe (Kiboko Camp) runs 4 day trips there, so it's nice and easy. It was cheaper than the Serengeti, and supposedly really great, so I decided to do that, Mike headed back up to Tanzania, and Lettie to Cape Maclear, so once again on my own.

It felt a little hokey being part of a safari after having done all the planning myself the last 4 months, but also nice to be able to relax and not have to worry. At the border post I encountered once again something that I find mind-boggling... a lack of ink. What else does a border post need besides a stamp and a well-inked stamp pad? Yet I find it all the time. Not only that, but when they do stamp your passport, it's usually haphazard and out of the lines, and sometimes partly creeps onto the next page. Why? Again, what else does someone at a border post actually have to do, besides look at and stamp passports? Surely after stamping 20,000 passports you would start to get the hang of it, right? Apparently not. So I've decided to start a business, and travel the world to each and every border post, supplying ink, and teaching them how to use a rubber stamp. I think I'm a genius... why hasn't anyone thought of this sooner? Before he stamped my passport I stopped him, and was trying to help figure out how he can get more mileage out of the stamp pad, and at one point even grabbed the stamp out of his hand and was testing it on scratch paper. Luckily he was a bit dense and didn't decide to arrest me for what I'm sure is a federal offense. Anyway, I got my illegible stamp and we moved on before I got myself into real trouble.

Then at a gas station in Zambia I almost got run over by a speeding truck (#13) in the parking lot. I jumped back and waved him through, but he just stopped and stared at me angrily. I finally decided to walk over to his window and ask what his problem was, but as I opened my mouth I noticed 'Zambian Police' painted on his door, so quickly apologized and walked away.

Once at the camp I kept hearing that there were elephants that would come into the campsites at night, so I was excited to see that, and anxiously asking where they were upon arrival. This leads me to #14 & 15, which happened on 2 consecutive nights and are identical, so I'll just tell you the story once. "You'll see plenty on the game drives" said the smarmy threesome from Luxembourg (they were actually really nice and I liked them a lot, but for the sake of making this story better they were evil and filled with hatred), obviously jaded pros when it comes to elephants. Jumping ahead for a moment to the last night, we had elephants in the camp as we had every night, but this time really, really, really, really close to our tents, touching in fact. They are friggin' enormous when you see them face to face. We were all peering out of our tents through the screened windows, terrified and afraid to breathe, watching as the gigantic one between my tent and the Luxembourgians' was destroying a tree, smacking the branches into our tents, and loudly pissing and shitting on my porch. I could only see his legs and trunk and tusks, because he was so huge and the rest was out of view. It's boring to continue describing it, but just know that it was terrifying, they are HUGE, and yeah, that's all. The Lux. trio were terrified too, and complaining the next morning, wanting to know what the camp was going to do about it. About what? We're in a national park in the middle of Africa, where we came to see animals, and we're seeing them! Shut the hell up! It was scary, but also really really amazing! Whiney bitches.

Back to the game drives, we did two per day, and there were 14 of us, so we had 2 cars. One of them was broken down, so we had to take one of the Land Rovers which we had driven in from Malawi. Everyone wanted to be in the proper vehicle with no roof so that they could see better, and I was the only one who willingly went into the other one, with only some large sun roofs to stand out of. 2 others ended up in it with me by default since there was no more room in the larger vehicle. So during the first game drive we saw a lion which had just killed an impala, and hyenas and vultures trying to steal it. And plenty of buffalo, zebras, giraffe, warthogs, hippos and crocodiles, etc. The other car saw a fraction of that, and no lions. We assured them that it was just luck and that it had nothing to do with the drivers, and that we should keep the same seating arrangement for the afternoon drive, where we then saw 3 more lions, an entire herd of about 2000 buffalo, and a lot more that the other car didn't see. By now they were thoroughly convinced that our driver was better, and in the morning, when the 2nd safari truck was fixed, all stormed into it and stole our driver from us. Did I mention that I was the only one willing to go with him on the first drive? But on the 2nd day nobody saw any lions, and they were hopefully ashamed of their conniving ways. Oh yeah, when we saw the first lion with his impala, he was lying down and trying to sleep, which didn't make for a great picture, so I was whistling at him and trying to get his attention, and make him smile, and shouting 'hear kitty kitty' which apparently is really dangerous and not recommended, so maybe that almost counts as a near death experience too.

The final game drive, also known as near-death experience #16, was a night drive, where we drive around with a very bright light and shine it around trying to find leopards and lions in the act of killing something. We saw none, but towards the end came across a giant buffalo herd again, that were crossing the road to drink at the river. As our car approached they were spooked and started stampeding back across the road to safety. There were a few thousand, so this took quite some time, and our driver decided to drive us up really close to get a better look. We were literally about 3 feet from the line of running buffalo, and shining a big bright light into their faces and blinding them. Ya just sorta had to be there, but it was pretty frightening, it would only take one of them varying slightly from the path to change the route of the herd, and to demolish our car. But fun, nonetheless.

I made it back to Lilongwe, decided against Cape Maclear so won't see Lettie again, and called Barbara (from Chitimba) who lives in Blantyre, since she'd offered a place to stay there/here. So now I sit, writing this, and hoping to get to bed early and start first thing tomorrow making my way to Mozambique, at last!

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, it's been a spectacular month, but I'll try to write again soon, as it's easier when it's fresher in my head. I'm loving Africa, and don't want to leave, but am equally excited to get to India and begin that part of the adventure.

I hope you are all well!

Wes